I know, I know, I'm hardly on here. But getting home from England made me urge to write down my memories, since I tend to forget lol >.>;
I just CAN'T believe I FINALLY got to travel to England! It still feels surreal thinking back at it, like it's all been a candyfluff dream tickling my mouth for a week! Sure I didn't go to London, but I've never craved to go there, I'm more in love with the countryside and odd little pubs they have there anyway. So we went to Eastbourne. Yes, it's a tourist town, but it's so oddly built and shaped that you get everything england has to offer in a matter of miles lol. Old and new, fresh and fallen. I had a hard time grasping that they had "only" 76 pubs in a matter of english miles there, since we have like.....two in this little hell hole lol So ended up going to a couple, and what I loved the most was that since I was there over Halloween, _every_ pub had decorated for it!!! :3 I was sooo expecting to find Jack Skellington walking into one or two of them, greeting everyone with a song and a ScrEeAm. To my utter sadness though, he never came :( WHERE WERE YOU JACK!? D: At least I got a hold of a collectors edition doll of him from one of the shops, but I would have bribed him with a Sandy Claws outfit anyday to lure him into one of the pubs ;__;
So what more did we do. Well, ate Ice-cream of course! :D Went to the same italian ice cream shop 3 days in a row lol the poor lady must have thought we lived on the creamy sweetness. We also did this typical tourist thingies. Went to the Pier which is well known there, to one of the other seaside towns, went shopping, took loooads of pictures of silly things, tortured the inhabitants, went to a car museeum, casinos, pubs, took a 5 hour stroll down the older parts of town - and one of my fave things - we went to a BIRD Farm!! :3 was like...MILLIONS of birds and ducks there, and you were allowed to feed them and some were walking around outside of the cages! :3 Of course I was throwing seed arond like crazy lol Hope the poor thingies did get too fat from all of it xD One had a most fascinating haircut, must post a pic of him/her later, such a coolie :3
hm hm...oh yeah lol Jack Skellington sure is popular! Not that I can't see why but :D When we were taking the flight home we flew from Heathrow and when I passed the security checks, a lady walked up to me and asked if a certain bag was mine. I said yes and though "oh for fucks sake, they're thinking I'm smuggling drugs or something, just my luck" but then she smiled and started rambling about Jack Skellington! XD She had seen him in the bag and asked where I had bought him because she had looked everywhere for a doll like that lol the last thing I expected to get asked about at a security check at heathrow xD
the only bad part about the trip is that I now find this place even more boring and life-energy-sucking >.> So depressed now >.< plus, I'm now broke lol but next trip will be to Germany, Shu-chan, can't wait to see you, gesche and Pancakes and tinkerbell!! :3
- Mood:
depressed - Music:VinterNoll2 - Kent
Geh, can't believe I let the fucking bitch take so much time and energy from me, but I can't help it! She's fucking unbelievable! I've never met a more horrible person, EVER! And now I've found out she's out to get me DX I mean, what the heck? I've never done anything to her, and now she has been able to fool the head boss that I've done something wrong and now this fucking bitch is threanening to get me kicked from my job if I ever do another tiniest mistake, whatsoever?! She has no right, no power, and she especially is not certified to make those decisions in her position, she just wants to be bigger and more powerful and feel fucking important. Damn slut. I'm gonna talk to my boss tomorrow and tell her a thing and two, plus, I'm gonna quit this stupid job. It has been nothing but problems and now I can't take it anymore. I work like.... 9 hours a week, which means I earn less that it costs to travel to and from work >__>; Mum was all bitchy and angry at me when I told her that I was gonna quit even thought I don't have another job, but I don't care atm. I just want OUT OF THERE >__> ASAP! But Sam, my darling, said I might be able to get a job at her work.... <33 *crosses her fingers* hopefully it will, or I might not be able to make my cosplay in time. Guah, the horror >__>; but I'm fighting, and I won't give up! When I have quit that job (two weeks to go) I might be able to focus on other things more and actually feel good for once....
Btw, I met up eith Sam today and we took a fika.... she really made my day <3 This day has sucked, but then she came like a ray of light and brought calm and warmth to my day. Thanks dear. :D And I got to talk to my wife Yami just now, which really made my day!! Talking to her is like the hightligt of any day 8D Cheers babe! Too bad we don't live in the same city D= Thank god for phones >3
Well, now I'm alone in my darkness and I feel all down again. Not looking forward to tomorrow, but at least my friends feel good and that keeps me fighting <3
- Mood:
bitchy - Music:Deep Inside - KoRn
I have been soo happy the last couple of days. Me and David decided to try to have a relationship again, and it seems to be working wonderfully which made me very happy (even though it was me dumping him before X'D) I had a blast at Närcon and made a lot of wonderful friends. My Crisis Core Cloud cosplay actually WON the Judge's Award!! O__O It can be seen here <3 http://niji-no-kuroi-bara.deviantart.com/
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
yami_no_cosmos and we talked and talked, mostly about cosplay of course >3 Such a wonderful person, my wife and babe <3 And then I was able to meet up with Shu-chaaaaan! blueplasticgun and her partner. So cuuuute they are <3333 It was so nice to be able to meet her again after aaaages. Gosh how I miss her ;___; I miss them all so badly even though I just met them last week. We shouldn't be so far away from each other >.< So yeah, have been really happy lately. But of course it wouldn't last >__>;
I asked my boss about my working hours and stuff and to my pleasant surprise, they all went through! O__O I won't have to work for later than six starting from september 1. I won't work more than max 2 weekends each month AND my two days off each week will be togheter!! I was shoked, but I really need this, so I thanked her a lot even though I usually don't like her very much XD It means a little few working hours, but I can take that XD Plus, I can always apply for more hours if I think I get too little ^^;BUT, after all that nice stuff, life has to kick you down >_>; THAT FUCKING COW! I've tried, GOD I'VE tried to be nice to that bitch, but noooo! The bitch at work that I've talked about ---- she won't let me be! It was ok before, but now when 9 of 10 people that I like are quitting work, it means I'll have to work with that stupid bitch almost every day! She's not super mean directly, but she's horrible in this sneaky, manipulating way. Gosh how I hate her. The first thing she did when I got back to work after two weeks was to pick and nag on me for nothing. She had no right to, and still she did >__>; I hate myself so much for letting her be like that to me. I wish I could just tell her to fuck off, but I'm too big a wuss for that >.< I hate it. I hate it so FUCKING much! She can destroy a whole day for me with just walking past me. I rarely hate people, but this bitch is something really extra, in a bad way >__>; Why does people like her exist? ;___;
Plus, I studdied the new picture of Oberon today and noticed a detail on his crown that I have nooo idea how I'm supposed to do. Almost made me cry, especially now when everything just feels blargh >__>;
But I got to talk to Yami and Yoru today which made everything better! <3 But now I'm feeling all depressed again >__>; I'm good at acting and actually being happy with and around people, but always when I'm alone I get all self destructive and depressed. It soooo sucks >__>;
- Location:Devil Summoner
- Mood:
angry - Music:Throw Me Away - KoRn
blueplasticgun- Location:Nibelheim
- Mood:
stressed - Music:Ingenting - Kent
"Should I Assume That Someone Hears Me When I Pray, Love Full Of Hate, Don't You Love How I Break?"
Gosh, I'm so inactive on this site, but the goddamn work! >__>; I know I shouldn't complain about that I have a job, but seriously, this suuuucks! I'm _never_ free on the weekends, I work every goddamn day and I can't plan anything because my schedule always changes from day to day and you need to ask for a free day ONE fucking month ahead! They're all retards - damn retards >__> And one of the bosses can't just STOP bitching and she's focusing on me for some reason. Grr! Sometimes she can be really sweet but the next second she's a total ass! I've tried, tried to ignore her but it's fucking impossible! I can't stand her, all she does is trying to make people into these flawless machines, but you know what bitch - we're fucking _humans_! NOTHING in this world is perfect, especially not people, you ass....
Ok... now I got that out X'D
Oh, Yami dear! Yes, I've started on my SMT cosplay, though not by much sadly >__>; too much stupid work. I've done half the jacket - I'll post a pic when I have made the puffy arms which seems impossible to do >_>; But my Crisis Core Cloud is soon done! ^^ I'll post pics when it's completely finished 8D How about you own cosplay? Started on it yet? >3
Ah, Shu-chan! It was lovely meeting you again! I can't believe you live in Germany now, when I saw you it felt like we we're ten again XD Come again, rainbowchild! <33
- Location:Cosplay Dimension
- Mood: pissed off
- Music:Evolution - KoRn
FuumaxKamui and KuroganexFai ftw!!! *ahem* XD Gah, CLAMP has two of the best and most dramatic cannon pairings ever in manga history... Love the darkness in them and since CLAMP has stated themselves that FuumaxKamui is a cannon pairing and that they love Shounen-ai - I just take it KuroganexFai soon will be a cannon as well XD
Oh yeah, still working.... X'D After having had the breakdown on thuseday, I called by boss again on wednesday morning to talk to her. In the end, I got a second chanse after having told her that I was never a quitter and that I wanted to see if I would be able to make it.... Luckily I didn't get the odd woman who was harassing me the following day and everything went very well, so now... I still have the job and is working quite a lot. X'D So I'll be able to make cosplays after all! yay!Though the biggest convention, Uppcon 09, has been moved and is now over my birthday! >__>;; I'm not all too happy about it but yeah.... that's life >__>;;
Just finished reading the manga GodChild too and OMG! If you haven't read it, you must! One of the most well writte, angsty, mysterious, deep, beautifully drawn and interesting mangas ever made. Kaori Yuki really knows how to make a magical gothic manga that really has a lof of focus on the characters and the mysteries in life. Of course I like her other major work - Angel Sanctuary - but GodChild is on a totally different level of good - it's pure greatness! The picture is the main character Cain *___* love him!
And soon I finally have my PSP!! Come to me, Crisis Core *___* *mad grin* Zack is just too awesome!
Guah, if my period would let me be, this day would be pretty ok...
And still writing a lot on my ZackxCloud story - I just can't stop XD lol
- Location:Mangas
- Mood: rushed
- Music:Eiyuu - doa
I haven't cried for months and I've never cried this much for _years_, but today I really cried my heart out. Second day at my new work, and everything went straight to hell thanks to my 'co-workers and mentors' expecting me to know every damn thing! Nothing was right - I wasn't fast enough, it didn't look exactly like it should, I didn't ask the costumers the 'right quetions' (even though I personally felt they were fitting) etc. - minor faults all the time... and they completely broke me. After just two days, I quit. Called my boss just a few minutes ago and said I couldn't take it and she didn't even ask why I wanted to quit. Just said it was 'sad to hear' and that she wished me a 'happy life'.... right. Why is nothing ever going my way!? No job now, no money and probably to conventions and cosplays for this year either thanks to this. Maybe I called and quit too early, but I really couldn't take it. I felt utterly useless and I don't think I had been able to be happy enough for the work tomorrow... not like they seem to care that they lost me, they can just take someone else since they have like 200 people begging for their job...
Now I just want to dig a damn hole somewhere and just die. Nothing is working with my life. Nothing goes my way. Everything just messes with me and I can't take it. I've tried to be strong, but I never get anything back... I'm sick, and utterly worthless...
- Location:Worst Nightmares
- Mood: crushed
- Music:Prayer - Disturbed
Sorry, but I'm too lazy to make an l-cut. It always messes with me when I try to make one and I'm not in the mood to fight right now...X'D
Wow, I have so much to write today, for my own sake that is XD lolFirst, I woke up this morning to a really... odd, but quite...eh, 'sweet' dream <3 It was about the anime Gungrave (picture). I haven't seen a lot of that anime yet, but yesterday night I caught two episodes on tv (have seen 8 in total). I really like it so far, yet it's not one of those "oh wow, perfect!" kind of series, but yeah, guns, longhaired bishies and sci-fi really makes something good >3 But yeah, not the absolute fave and only seen a few episodes and yet, I dream a whole dream about it and the drop-dead-gorgeous main character (pic) O.O It was very much like an episode in the anime where this daughter of Brandon's passed-away love finds him (Brandon's actually a living-dead. having been ressurected after having been betrayed and killed by his best Friend
And speaking about job... I FINALLY have one! O.O It's not a....glamourus one...
And with this job, it means I have more money to cosplays! Yay! Really what I need! 8D Now I'm sewing on Oberon's pants
I've also been meeting up with some classmates that I haven't seen in weeks and now I really realized how much I have missed them. I must meet them more often! >3 And While I've been with them, one of my closest friends seem to have disappeared from the face of this earth...
Still many moodswings, from the bottom of the dark oil pit to the rainbow in candy land... don't know why it's so 'unstable', but I have some ideas at least....
And I want so many games right now I could cry my eyes out, but I have to put the cosplay before them right now until I have more money >__>;; XD *reaches out for Crisis Core*
- Location:Brandon's Arms
- Mood:
giggly - Music:Death Wish - Gackt
Was some time since I was here now o.O Looking for a job and taking care of the house seems to eat all of my time >__>;
Today I'm really worried... it seems like I will have to go to the doctor and get myself checked. I've been trying to avoid it for months, but now I can't any longer. It seems like I might have a bleeding in my stomach or some other shit inside of me and they say I really need to get it checked since it has been going on for so long and because it's so much. They say it can be a rare case of cancer, but that I shouldn't think the worst >_<;; That's fucking easy to say >__>; I DON'T want it, but I guess there's no escaping it >__>; *sigh*
On another note though - I had a 'lan' last weekend with some friends and it was SO much fun! We played a lot of games and even though I haven't played Tekken 5 that much (more into Soul Calibur) I actually kicked David's butt in it a couple of times! And that's big since he's like... ZE ULTIMATE gamer when it comes to shooter and fighter games! I was so proud! 8D *waves to wifey*
And my ZackxCloud fandom has come at me like a crazy wave! XD I have always loved that pairing, but nowadays they're like, the only thing in my life at times XD Don't know if wifey Yami knows I like the FF guys together, but hopefully she won't be 'damaged' by it XD *playfully pokes wife* XD Yosh for ZackxCloud, I really can't stop writing on my vampire story with them, it's like I'm possessed! XD LOL
I've been searching for a job like crazy, writing really enthusiastic letters and CV's and shit, but still no reply. I don't know what I do wrong, but I know I'm getting tired of it... >__>; I need money for my COSPLAYS and GAMES for fucks sake >__<!
Because of no work or school, I'm getting into a serious depression again, which seems to happen a lot lately... I need to distract myself, but it's really hard to do so with like....no life atm >__>;
And I need to look for a wedding present for Yami-chan! o.o *has no idea what to buy* Bwahaha, but something I should be able to find ;D
And I miss Shu-chan ;__; Germany is NOT close D: But as long as she's happy that's all that really matters *huggles Shu-chan* Your girlfriend is one lucky girl, she now has a star under the same roof ;D
- Location:fanfiction net
- Mood:
drained - Music:I'm Sorry - Everygrey
yami_no_cosmos today that she has made herself! :3First it was this hilarious envelope with a Cloud, the three brothers and Sephiroth on it! :DDD I shook it a little, and when I opened I saw this!!! --->
Isn't my doll and wife so skilled!? :3 The picture doesn't make it justice, but yeah, it's gorgeous! Its the blue colour that I really like the most (almost a little mako type of blue) and the chain is my fave type of chain :3 I've always had a blue necklace, but never a matching bracelet or ear-rings, but now I have!Thank you so much hun! *huggles* It was a perfect gift :D Haha, my mum thought I had bought them, but then I told her you had made them and she was in awe. She said you should work with stuff like this! ;D
Now I need to find you two something equally awesome for your wedding gift >3 I better start hunting now! XD
- Location:fanfiction.net
- Mood:
artistic - Music:Redemption - Gackt
blueplasticgun She didn't want to tag people, but said the ones wanting to do it should do it, so I'm DOING IT! 8D</font>
Happiness meme
List ten things that has made you happy lately. Then tag ten people.
1) Getting married to
yami_no_cosmos2) My FF cosplay actually coperating with me today XD
3) Fooling around with my little sister
4) Meeting Shu-Chan
blueplasticgun last week! :35) Meeting Sam
etatauri last week! :3 It was so long since I last saw her!6) Hanging out with my mother (is that lame? XD)
7) Watching funny videos involving parrots on youtube
8) Getting sweet reviews on my fanfictions and cosplays
9) Star filled nights
10) Tea, sandwiches and good music in the mornings~~
yoru_no_neko calling meI'm tagging my friends list, you know who you are people 8D</font></div>
- Location:fanfictions
- Mood:
pleased - Music:Anti-Soul Mysteries Lab - Castlevania: Lament of Innocence
"No one will ever see
This side reflected
And if there's something wrong
Who would have guessed it.."
Even If You Say 'It'll Be Alright' - You'll Still Hear Me Say ' I Want To End My Life'
I always do this, bottling everything up inside till I can't handle it and just shatter. I keep struggling, pushing myself to keep going, but I still know that in the end, it'll be for nothing and I'll stand all alone. But I can't allow it to show, can't allow to let my ugly essence be revealed to the ones close to me. I always hear "You're so cute and cheerful! I love it when you're bubbly!". So what if they'll all leave me, if they see my ugly, broken heart? I wouldn't be able to bear it, being left all alone. I'm not fake when I'm cheerful, but it's tiring to not be able to talk to the people I love in the way I might need to sometimes... But I'm just too afraid to even try. Will they listen, understand and accept? Or will they feel uncomfortable - insecure with me, pulling away? I keep trying, but I'm empty, cold inside. I'm surrounded by people, but it feels like there's a sea separating us...
And everything I try hard to do fail in the end and I'm just so tired of it. I'm sick of it and it makes me think. Thinking is dangerous, it makes you feel, feel things you don't want to. Creates images you rather never see. I've had too much of that lately, and it's not pretty images...
- Location:Tragic Kingdom
- Mood: numb
- Music:Never Too Late - Three Days Grace
- Location:Gamer World
- Mood:
loved - Music:Colors - Hikaru Utada
I do hope this works, I've been trying to post it for like....forever >___>
Tagged by
blueplasticgunGame rules:
A. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves. Tag 8 people. Those who are tagged cannot refuse.
B.These 8 people must state who they were tagged by. You cannot tag the person who tagged you. Continue this game by sending this to 8 other people. People who are tagged will be blessed and their wishes will come true in the future.
Yup, changed some of the questions! 8D
tagging:
yami_no_cosmos yoru_no_neko moon1084 spudacus_1 etatauri soloscrydemonsouldragon slashapaloozaAnd Ida, I would have tagged you if you still had posted on your LJ! 8D
- Location:cosplay planet
- Mood:
thoughtful - Music:Rise - Disturbed
Went to the local hairdresser today.... for the first time in MONTHS ^^; It really was time for a haircut... I told her that I just wanted her to cut something she thought I would look good in.... and woala! XD Now when I look at it I realize it's kinda similar to the Prince from Final Fantasy Versus XIII XD Yoru-chan, do you feel up for letting me cosplay Storm and you cosplay that sexy lady from FF XIII? 8D Have you seen the trailer with her btw? Her outfit is gorgeous *__* :3
Hairproducts.... I'M BACK! XD
- Location:Cosplay Dreams
- Mood: grumpy
- Music:I'm Alive - Disturbed
Gah! >__<# I'm so pissed off I just want to blow the whole fucking world up! No matter HOW hard I try or how good I am, I haven't gotten a job! Honestly, I think I'm a good person, good team mate and I'm abitious... Everyone says they think my CV looks great and all that shit, but still, NO fucking JOB! DX Why? Why do sixteen year old super-brats get a job while I don't?! What is so damn wrong with me that I don't deserve a chance to prove myself a good worker? D< I've tried to get a job for 8 months now and I'm getting so TIRED of it I just feel like screaming at everyone behind a counter >__>; I'm sick of being home, sick of having no money (and henche no life), sick of feeling useless and just sick of everything! My moodswings are getting worse and I know this has a lot to do with it... just screw this shitty life >__> Right now, life is a stupid, fucked up bitch. Just let me rot away in my own damp, dark hole D<
- Location:Satan's Throne
- Mood: pissed off
- Music:Through Glass . Stone Sour
I swear, I would have been so embarrassed if I had had sex with Yunho >.O; I love him too much to see myself with him, he is supposed to have Jae! XD I still don't get why I dreamt about YunHo in my beed when I'm more obsessed with JaeJoong o.O; (although I love them all really madly XD)
This, I guess, is my most random and 'plot changing' dream about a band I've ever had! XD Anyone else had a dream about them? XD
- Location:Dracula's Castle
- Mood:
shocked - Music:Rainbow - DBSK
blueplasticgunOk, now answer these question, it won't take so fucking long - so don't you dare ignore it! XP I wanna know about you, doesn't matter how often we speak with each other or how well I know you already! If you're on my friendslist, FILL THIS OUT! XD >3
Now I'm off to write again, as well as plotting some new things for mine and
yoru_no_neko new YunJae community! >3 The layout she made looks great! - Location:Deepest corner of my dreams
- Mood: stressed
- Music:Darkness - Disturbed
And I got my birthday present from Yoru-chan today (
yoru_no_neko ) and it's one of the best I have ever received! She really knows me well, thanks babe~~!She got me a Chocobo Plush!! <3333 God I so love those birds from Final Fantasy (and now I have three things with them :333 ) Isn't it cute!
- Location:Chocobo Stables
- Mood: thankful
- Music:Shout2000 - Disturbed
- Location:Shounen-ai paradise
- Mood: sleepy
- Music:Anti-Soul Mysteries Lab - Castlevania: Lament of Innocence
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