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05 November 2009 @ 07:34 pm

I know, I know, I'm hardly on here. But getting home from England made me urge to write down my memories, since I tend to forget lol >.>;

I just CAN'T believe I FINALLY got to travel to England! It still feels surreal thinking back at it, like it's all been a candyfluff dream tickling my mouth for a week! Sure I didn't go to London, but I've never craved to go there, I'm more in love with the countryside and odd little pubs they have there anyway. So we went to Eastbourne. Yes, it's a tourist town, but it's so oddly built and shaped that you get everything england has to offer in a matter of miles lol. Old and new, fresh and fallen. I had a hard time grasping that they had "only" 76 pubs in a matter of english miles there, since we have like.....two in this little hell hole lol So ended up going to a couple, and what I loved the most was that since I was there over Halloween, _every_ pub had decorated for it!!! :3 I was sooo expecting to find Jack Skellington walking into one or two of them, greeting everyone with a song and a ScrEeAm. To my utter sadness though, he never came :( WHERE WERE YOU JACK!? D: At least I got a hold of a collectors edition doll of him from one of the shops, but I would have bribed him with a Sandy Claws outfit anyday to lure him into one of the pubs ;__;

So what more did we do. Well, ate Ice-cream of course! :D Went to the same italian ice cream shop 3 days in a row lol the poor lady must have thought we lived on the creamy sweetness. We also did this typical tourist thingies. Went to the Pier which is well known there, to one of the other seaside towns, went shopping, took loooads of pictures of silly things, tortured the inhabitants, went to a car museeum, casinos, pubs, took a 5 hour stroll down the older parts of town - and one of my fave things -  we went to a BIRD Farm!! :3 was like...MILLIONS of birds and ducks there, and you were allowed to feed them and some were walking around outside of the cages! :3 Of course I was throwing seed arond like crazy lol Hope the poor thingies did get too fat from all of it xD One had a most fascinating haircut, must post a pic of him/her later, such a coolie :3

hm hm...oh yeah lol Jack Skellington sure is popular! Not that I can't see why but :D When we were taking the flight home we flew from Heathrow and when I passed the security checks, a lady walked up to me and asked if a certain bag was mine. I said yes and though "oh for fucks sake, they're thinking I'm smuggling drugs or something, just my luck" but then she smiled and started rambling about Jack Skellington! XD She had seen him in the bag and asked where I had bought him because she had looked everywhere for a doll like that lol the last thing I expected to get asked about at a security check at heathrow xD

the only bad part about the trip is that I now find this place even more boring and life-energy-sucking >.> So depressed now >.< plus, I'm now broke lol but next trip will be to Germany, Shu-chan, can't wait to see you, gesche and Pancakes and tinkerbell!! :3

Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: VinterNoll2 - Kent
19 August 2008 @ 10:28 pm
This just utterly sucks. Fucking bitch.

I have been soo happy the last couple of days. Me and David decided to try to have a relationship again, and it seems to be working wonderfully which made me very happy (even though it was me dumping him before X'D) I had a blast at Närcon and made a lot of wonderful friends. My Crisis Core Cloud cosplay actually WON the Judge's Award!! O__O It can be seen here <3 http://niji-no-kuroi-bara.deviantart.com/ AND I was able to meet up with my wife yami_no_cosmos and we talked and talked, mostly about cosplay of course >3 Such a wonderful person, my wife and babe <3 And then I was able to meet up with Shu-chaaaaan! blueplasticgun and her partner. So cuuuute they are <3333 It was so nice to be able to meet her again after aaaages. Gosh how I miss her ;___; I miss them all so badly even though I just met them last week. We shouldn't be so far away from each other >.< So yeah, have been really happy lately. But of course it wouldn't last >__>;

 I asked my boss about my working hours and stuff and to my pleasant surprise, they all went through! O__O I won't have to work for later than six starting from september 1. I won't work more than max 2 weekends each month AND my two days off each week will be togheter!! I was shoked, but I really need this, so I thanked her a lot even though I usually don't like her very much XD It means a little few working hours, but I can take that XD Plus, I can always apply for more hours if I think I get too little ^^;

BUT, after all that nice stuff, life has to kick you down >_>; THAT FUCKING COW! I've tried, GOD I'VE tried to be nice to that bitch, but noooo! The bitch at work that I've talked about ---- she won't let me be! It was ok before, but now when 9 of 10 people that I like are quitting work, it means I'll have to work with that stupid bitch almost every day! She's not super mean directly, but she's horrible in this sneaky, manipulating way. Gosh how I hate her. The first thing she did when I got back to work after two weeks was to pick and nag on me for nothing. She had no right to, and still she did >__>; I hate myself so much for letting her be like that to me. I wish I could just tell her to fuck off, but I'm too big a wuss for that >.< I hate it. I hate it so FUCKING much! She can destroy a whole day for me with just walking past me. I rarely hate people, but this bitch is something really extra, in a bad way >__>; Why does people like her exist? ;___;

Plus, I studdied the new picture of Oberon today and noticed a detail on his crown that I have nooo idea how I'm supposed to do. Almost made me cry, especially now when everything just feels blargh >__>;

But I got to talk to Yami and Yoru today which made everything better! <3 But now I'm feeling all depressed again >__>; I'm good at acting and actually being happy with and around people, but always when I'm alone I get all self destructive and depressed. It soooo sucks >__>;
Current Location: Devil Summoner
Current Mood: angryangry
Current Music: Throw Me Away - KoRn
26 June 2008 @ 12:40 am
I'm so goddamn bored right now. It's too late to work on cosplay or start a game - so I stole this from Shu-chan >3 blueplasticgun
Current Location: Nibelheim
Current Mood: stressedstressed
Current Music: Ingenting - Kent
26 June 2008 @ 12:22 am

"Should I Assume That Someone Hears Me When I Pray, Love Full Of Hate, Don't You Love How I Break?"

Gosh, I'm so inactive on this site, but the goddamn work! >__>; I know I shouldn't complain about that I have a job, but seriously, this suuuucks! I'm _never_ free on the weekends, I work every goddamn day and I can't plan anything because my schedule always changes from day to day and you need to ask for a free day ONE fucking month ahead! They're all retards - damn retards >__> And one of the bosses can't just STOP bitching and she's focusing on me for some reason. Grr! Sometimes she can be really sweet but the next second she's a total ass! I've tried, tried to ignore her but it's fucking impossible! I can't stand her, all she does is trying to make people into these flawless machines, but you know what bitch - we're fucking _humans_! NOTHING in this world is perfect, especially not people, you ass....

Ok... now I got that out X'D

Oh, Yami dear! Yes, I've started on my SMT cosplay, though not by much sadly >__>; too much stupid work. I've done half the jacket - I'll post a pic when I have made the puffy arms which seems impossible to do >_>; But my Crisis Core Cloud is soon done! ^^ I'll post pics when it's completely finished 8D How about you own cosplay? Started on it yet? >3

Ah, Shu-chan! It was lovely meeting you again! I can't believe you live in Germany now, when I saw you it felt like we we're ten again XD Come again, rainbowchild! <33

Current Location: Cosplay Dimension
Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
Current Music: Evolution - KoRn
19 March 2008 @ 10:28 pm

Was some time since I was here now o.O Looking for a job and taking care of the house seems to eat all of my time >__>;

Today I'm really worried... it seems like I will have to go to the doctor and get myself checked. I've been trying to avoid it for months, but now I can't any longer. It seems like I might have a bleeding in my stomach or some other shit inside of me and they say I really need to get it checked since it has been going on for so long and because it's so much. They say it can be a rare case of cancer, but that I shouldn't think the worst >_<;; That's fucking easy to say >__>; I DON'T want it, but I guess there's no escaping it >__>; *sigh*

On another note though - I had a 'lan' last weekend with some friends and it was SO much fun! We played a lot of games and even though I haven't played Tekken 5 that much (more into Soul Calibur) I actually kicked David's butt in it a couple of times! And that's big since he's like... ZE ULTIMATE gamer when it comes to shooter and fighter games! I was so proud! 8D *waves to wifey*

And my ZackxCloud fandom has come at me like a crazy wave! XD I have always loved that pairing, but nowadays they're like, the only thing in my life at times XD Don't know if wifey Yami knows I like the FF guys together, but hopefully she won't be 'damaged' by it XD *playfully pokes wife* XD Yosh for ZackxCloud, I really can't stop writing on my vampire story with them, it's like I'm possessed! XD LOL

I've been searching for a job like crazy, writing really enthusiastic letters and CV's and shit, but still no reply. I don't know what I do wrong, but I know I'm getting tired of it... >__>; I need money for my COSPLAYS and GAMES for fucks sake >__<!

Because of no work or school, I'm getting into a serious depression again, which seems to happen a lot lately... I need to distract myself, but it's really hard to do so with like....no life atm >__>;

And I need to look for a wedding present for Yami-chan! o.o *has no idea what to buy* Bwahaha, but something I should be able to find ;D

And I miss Shu-chan ;__; Germany is NOT close D: But as long as she's happy that's all that really matters *huggles Shu-chan* Your girlfriend is one lucky girl, she now has a star under the same roof ;D

Current Location: fanfiction net
Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: I'm Sorry - Everygrey
06 March 2008 @ 09:23 pm
HoGot a birthday present from yami_no_cosmos today that she has made herself! :3

First it was this hilarious envelope with a Cloud, the three brothers and Sephiroth on it! :DDD I shook it a little, and when I opened I saw this!!! --->

 Isn't my doll and wife so skilled!? :3 The picture doesn't make it justice, but yeah, it's gorgeous! Its the blue colour that I really like the most (almost a little mako type of blue) and the chain is my fave type of chain :3 I've always had a blue necklace, but never a matching bracelet or ear-rings, but now I have!

Thank you so much hun! *huggles* It was a perfect gift :D Haha, my mum thought I had bought them, but then I told her you had made them and she was in awe. She said you should work with stuff like this! ;D

Now I need to find you two something equally awesome for your wedding gift >3 I better start hunting now! XD
Current Location: fanfiction.net
Current Mood: artisticartistic
Current Music: Redemption - Gackt
04 March 2008 @ 12:35 am
blueplasticgun She didn't want to tag people, but said the ones wanting to do it should do it, so I'm DOING IT! 8D
Happiness meme
List ten things that has made you happy lately. Then tag ten people.

1) Getting married to yami_no_cosmos
2) My FF cosplay actually coperating with me today XD
3) Fooling around with my little sister
4) Meeting Shu-Chan blueplasticgun last week! :3
5) Meeting Sam etatauri last week! :3 It was so long since I last saw her!
6) Hanging out with my mother (is that lame? XD)
7) Watching funny videos involving parrots on youtube
8) Getting sweet reviews on my fanfictions and cosplays
9) Star filled nights
10) Tea, sandwiches and good music in the mornings~~

11) Knows she shouldn't, but has to add one more Yoru yoru_no_neko calling me

I'm tagging my friends list, you know who you are people 8D
Current Location: fanfictions
Current Mood: pleasedpleased
Current Music: Anti-Soul Mysteries Lab - Castlevania: Lament of Innocence
02 March 2008 @ 01:32 am

"No one will ever see
This side reflected
And if there's something wrong
Who would have guessed it.."

 Even If You Say 'It'll Be Alright' - You'll Still Hear Me Say ' I Want To End My Life'

I always do this, bottling everything up inside till I can't handle it and just shatter. I keep struggling, pushing myself to keep going, but I still know that in the end, it'll be for nothing and I'll stand all alone. But I can't allow it to show, can't allow to let my ugly essence be revealed to the ones close to me. I always hear "You're so cute and cheerful! I love it when you're bubbly!". So what if they'll all leave me, if they see my ugly, broken heart? I wouldn't be able to bear it, being left all alone. I'm not fake when I'm cheerful, but it's tiring to not be able to talk to the people I love in the way I might need to sometimes... But I'm just too afraid to even try. Will they listen, understand and accept? Or will they feel uncomfortable - insecure with me, pulling away? I keep trying, but I'm empty, cold inside. I'm surrounded by people, but it feels like there's a sea separating us...
And everything I try hard to do fail in the end and I'm just so tired of it. I'm sick of it and it makes me think. Thinking is dangerous, it makes you feel, feel things you don't want to. Creates images you rather never see. I've had too much of that lately, and it's not pretty images...

Current Location: Tragic Kingdom
Current Mood: numbnumb
Current Music: Never Too Late - Three Days Grace
01 March 2008 @ 03:54 am

Got Married yesterday with my so sweet anf lovely doll yami_no_cosmos Cheers hun! :3
Current Location: Gamer World
Current Mood: lovedloved
Current Music: Colors - Hikaru Utada
28 February 2008 @ 09:34 pm

I do hope this works, I've been trying to post it for like....forever >___>

Tagged by

Game rules:
A. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves. Tag 8 people. Those who are tagged cannot refuse.
B.These 8 people must state who they were tagged by. You cannot tag the person who tagged you. Continue this game by sending this to 8 other people. People who are tagged will be blessed and their wishes will come true in the future.

Yup, changed some of the questions! 8D

tagging: yami_no_cosmos yoru_no_neko moon1084 spudacus_1 etatauri soloscrydemonsouldragon slashapalooza

And Ida, I would have tagged you if you still had posted on your LJ! 8D
Current Location: cosplay planet
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: Rise - Disturbed