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02 March 2008 @ 01:32 am

"No one will ever see
This side reflected
And if there's something wrong
Who would have guessed it.."

 Even If You Say 'It'll Be Alright' - You'll Still Hear Me Say ' I Want To End My Life'

I always do this, bottling everything up inside till I can't handle it and just shatter. I keep struggling, pushing myself to keep going, but I still know that in the end, it'll be for nothing and I'll stand all alone. But I can't allow it to show, can't allow to let my ugly essence be revealed to the ones close to me. I always hear "You're so cute and cheerful! I love it when you're bubbly!". So what if they'll all leave me, if they see my ugly, broken heart? I wouldn't be able to bear it, being left all alone. I'm not fake when I'm cheerful, but it's tiring to not be able to talk to the people I love in the way I might need to sometimes... But I'm just too afraid to even try. Will they listen, understand and accept? Or will they feel uncomfortable - insecure with me, pulling away? I keep trying, but I'm empty, cold inside. I'm surrounded by people, but it feels like there's a sea separating us...
And everything I try hard to do fail in the end and I'm just so tired of it. I'm sick of it and it makes me think. Thinking is dangerous, it makes you feel, feel things you don't want to. Creates images you rather never see. I've had too much of that lately, and it's not pretty images...

Current Location: Tragic Kingdom
Current Mood: numbnumb
Current Music: Never Too Late - Three Days Grace